(I originally posted this on the Dave Ramsey boards on September 16, 2010.)
We had a dysfunctional relationship and I was codependent.
He seemed like a nice guy and at first our relationship was win-win. I got nice little things I wanted and he got a few dollars each month.
As our relationship progressed, he started manipulating me. He made me think I really needed him and the costs got higher and higher.
One day I forgot to show up and he made me pay a larger fee on top of all the regular things I paid for him. He was really mean and to be honest, it stung.
I was finally getting my head together and gaining more self-esteem when I started noticing a new friend named Dave. Like Chase, Dave and I had a little exchange. I gave him a few dollars and he gave me hours of great stories and advice. Dave asked me for $80 in return for an interesting set of classes and books. It seemed like a good value even though the last time I spent more than $35 for a book, I was in college.
Dave was so different from Chase. Every time we spent time together, I came away feeling like I had received so much more than I gave. Dave made me feel like I could conquer the world and he didn’t seem to mind if that meant I wouldn’t even need him. Funny – that always kept me coming back. I really wanted others to know what a neat guy he was.
Today Chase sent me a card. It’s weird cause I finally stopped seeing him at all. I just gradually got him out of my life. He had a new makeover and a whole new plan on life. He says he has a new nickname and everyone calls him “Slate” now. The card is all dark though and he seems depressed. That’s when I shook myself and realized it was the same codependent game again.
I just called him and ended it all. He said it was so sad; we had been “friends” since 1988. I pointed out that we haven’t even spoken since May, 2007.
He agreed but told me to please, please call him if I ever needed his help again.
I had to come here and let Dave know how good it feels to be free.
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